Friday, January 24, 2014

stressful minutes, wasted minutes

today, i feel as if i have spent many more minutes than i needed to worrying about whether any of my future blog posts will be "as good as" that first one or "good enough" to read, period. i think they usually call it the curse of the second novel... or in this case "the curse of the second blog post." (i'm no where near a novel. yet.) and who am i to think i have enough to say to write a blog? (much less a novel) oh brain, you betrayer.

apparently, this is what i do when people read my blog and tell me i'm awesome.

what in the world is wrong with me?


here it is.
my second (technically third) post.

i'm doing it-- without knowing exactly what i will say, but knowing i will eventually say something...

because i want to write, by golly.

so, i will write.

just write. 

i remember having this same problem at sometime in high school... i think it was over a sermon i was going to be giving for youth Sunday, and i was freaking out about it--of course-- not much has changed in ten years, apparently-- and my good friend Jerry told me to stop it and to write. "just write." those were his words.

so i did.

and it worked.

it always works. writing my solo show senior year of college was agony.
Pure. Unadulterated. Agony.
so much so that my friend William (who, i am sure, was sick of listening to my bitching and moaning) volunteered to type while i just sat there and talked about what i was thinking of writing just so i could get started.

the getting started...the "just writing" is so hard.
for me.
why is it so hard?

i may never know.

but i do know that i plan to keep writing.

instead of worrying.
instead of self editing.
instead of drafting in my head but never putting words to paper.
instead of making excuses.
instead of judging myself.
                           and my thoughts.
                           and my words.

because, as a very wise teacher once told me (while i was walking a tightrope, no less):

"Judging yourself is wasted energy." 


here's to no more wasting energy--or minutes--on judging yourself.

            it's time to just write.

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