how much space do we take up...
... in the world
... in each other's lives
... in our own lives
i think we want to take up space both in the world and in the hearts of our friends and loved ones.
i think we like to know that we matter to the people we care about.
but how much space do we give our selves in our own hearts?
i am particularly bad at this.
a mentor told me once that i needed to take care of myself as well as i take care of others. but i have rarely been able to do that.
it has taken me a long time to admit --out loud-- that i derive a lot of my own self worth and self love from helping others. and while helping others fills me up, it also depletes me in a way that i'm not sure i can replenish myself. i suppose this is part of what relationships are for, filling each other up (i originally wrote "feeling" instead of filling, and i'm sure that's part of it too)
but i struggle with the desire to know that i can be fulfilled on my own, all my myself, but no man--or woman-- is an island.
do i contradict myself? very well, i contradict myself. i am large. i contain multitudes.
back to the point.
i went to see peter and the starcatcher the other night. peter pan stories have long been among my favorite, and i have a fondness for this show. this time, i was particularly struck by the line "things are only worth what you are willing to give up for them."
and it leads me to think: if i keep giving up or giving out parts of myself for others, what do i have left for myself?
what space do i take up?
what is my worth?